


Never Have I Ever ...

by wrappedupinabook



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, Drug Use, Multi, Never Have I Ever, drinking game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 22:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrappedupinabook/pseuds/wrappedupinabook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah and Felix were supposed to be looking after Cosima while Delphine was out of town. They were supposed to make sure she got an early night and behaved herself. They rarely do what they're supposed to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Have I Ever ...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justanexercise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanexercise/gifts).



> Loosely based on a prompt from Swarm012, I'm still taking cophine/general prompts here or on my tumblr :)

'I still do not have to leave.' Delphine said, halting in the doorway, plane ticket in one hand and suitcase in the other. 'If you are feeling unwell, I could stay. The new treatment looks promising but there are still some test I would like to run.'

'Don't be a dummy,' Cosima said, trying her best to look as aggressively healthy as possible. 'It's your sisters wedding, of course you're going. I have two babysitters, and you're only going to be gone for forty-eight hours. What's the worst that could happen?'

'Do you actually want me to answer that, or..'

'A-buh-buh-buh-buh' Cosima interrupted. 'Go. Go now. Cab waiting. Shoo.'

Delphine leaned in and kissed the clone softly, saddened by the slight taste of blood she could still detect beneath the spearmint toothpaste and coffee that was all her girlfriend had had for breakfast. Irritated at her timidness, Cosima caught her hand and pulled her back in, kissing more forcefully, trying to make up for the two days apart. She placed one hand on the back of Delphine's hand, gripping her soft, strawberry scented hair, and sent the other hand wandering, stroking down the woman's spine, then slipping between the waist-band of her jeans and the silk of her underwear, eliciting a soft sigh from the blonde. They were rudely interrupted, however, by the honk of the taxi driver's horn outside the window. Delphine gave Cosima one last questioning look, still wondering if it would be safe to leave her alone, but Cosima made the decision for her, pulling away and givving a cheeky wave as she closed the front door.

'Au Revoir,' Delphine shouted at the painted wood, then, adjusting her clothes after the mussing Cosima had given then, she turned and walked down the stair case to the street.

........

Fee slid open the door to his apartment to find his adopted sisters doppelgänger leaning nonchalantly in the doorway, smoke curling from the joint grasped loosely between two fingers. She grinned lazily, but this turned to outrage when Fee leaned over and plucked the offending article from her grip.

'Not for you I'm afraid,' he said, taking a drag himself, 'Delphine sent us a detailed list of things you can and can't do, and this was number one.' Cosima blinked in outrage, but couldn't think of a compelling argument. Instead she pouted, dragging her overnight bag into the apartment and throwing herself down on Felix's couch, which let out a satisfied puff of dust. 

'I'm not talking to you.' Cosima declared, looking around the room, I'm not going to say a word to you at all until Sarah gets here. She reached into the front pocket of her bag and pulled out her laptop and a huge pair of headphones. Fee blinked, but at this point he was fairly accustomed to the fact that, judging from the clones he had met, being a drama queen was genetic.

'Do you want a coffee?' He asked, walking into the kitchen.

'If I was talking to you, I would say yes, but I'm not saying anything to you today.' A few minutes later Fee placed a mug by Cosima's elbow that she refused to even acknowledge until he wandered through the bead curtain into his room and left her alone.

........

By the time Sarah walked in, things had changed a bit. 

'What the bloody hell is going on?' she asked, surveying the scene. A half empty bottle of Jack Daniels, a smoky haze in the air and Fee, naked ecfept for a g-string sitting opposite Cosima who had removed a single sock. 

'Fee is really bad at strip poker,' Cosima giggled, beckoning Sarah over to show the four queen hand she held, 'we were just about to finish up if you want to watch?'

'Oh god no. Definitely no,' Sarah said, recoiling, 'put some clothes on Fee, and you, Cosima, bed, you have literally broken every rule that Delphine gave us.'

'Please Sarah,' Cosima began, her whining tone reminding the British clone of Kira when she was in a mood.

'Don't give me that, you're sick Cosima. It's no use pretending that you're not! You're nor a kid, you have to face up to all the shit that's going on here Cos!' She wouldn't have noticed, but when Cosima tried not to cry she looked up and left, and blinked as fast as she could, exactly like Sarah did. She realised how hard this must be for the other clone, and felt herself soften. Cosima wasn't a stupid kid, she was one of the smartest people Sarah had ever met, and she new exactly what shye was doing.

'Please Sarah,' Cosima repeated, her tone more sober, more mature, 'please can I pretend? Just for tonight?'

'Fine. For tonight.'

........

'Never have I ever,' Felix slurred, looking from one identical face to the other, trying to read them through a whisky fuelled haze, 'never have I ever ... kissed a girl!' He finished triumphantly, Cosima shrugged and drained her glass, and Sarah followed suit after s brief pause, earning her a whoop from Felix. 'Oh, do tell.'

'You know, at DYAD, when I was her.' Sarah replied, gesturing a thumb at Cosima, who was stretched out on her stomach, trying to refill her glass from the rapidly draining bottle, the second they had got through that night. 

'I never got you back for that you know.' Cosima replied, 'tricking my girl into cheating on me.'

'Hey, she didn't complain to me,' Sarah replied, always willing to wind someone up.

'Huh', Cosima replied, ‘‘cos to me she said that you slobbered all over her face like a puppy.’ Cosima ducked to avoid the scrunched up paper napkin that Sarah threw at her head. 

‘Right,’ she said, ‘never have I ever been to London.’

‘Boo,’ said Felix sleepily, ‘that’s rubbish. We want the juicy gossip!’ but he and Sarah obligingly drank. Sarah took her time coming up with hers, picking cold noodles out of one of the takeout boxes next to her with her fingers, despite Fee’s shouts of disgust.

‘Ok,’ she said, ‘never have I ever smoked weed.’ Cosima drank, then turned on Sarah with astonishment.

‘Seriously? Never?’

‘Never.’ Sarah confirmed, ‘not my cup of tea.’

‘Bet you wouldn’t have guessed that Sarah was the goody-goody clone, eh?’ said Fee. ‘All right, my turn. Let me see,’ he put dramatic emphasis on each word, like a superhero finally revealing his evil plot. ‘Never have I ever … impersonated someone who was identical to me.’

‘Not fair!’ Sarah said, wincing a she took a gulp.

‘Technically I think you should drink at least three times on that one.’ Fee replied.

‘And I can’t believe I still haven’t done that, Alison had a turn,’ Cosima said, pretending to sulk.

‘Ah, but Alison has the dramatic flair of an Artiste that we mere mortals lack,’ Fee countered, ‘and anyway, I bet your English accent is absolutely shite.’

‘Blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, bloody hell I’m English,’ replied Cosima, which was met by explosive laughter from Sarah and Fee.

‘You sound like the love child of Rachel and a kangaroo,’ snorted Sarah, ‘that was the worst thing I have ever heard.’

‘3/10’ said Fee, ‘but you’re not gonna fool anyone, let alone anyone who knows Sarah. Oh, and you’d have to keep your hands still for more than five seconds.’

‘Fine, fine,’ said Cosima, suddenly aware of quite how much she was waving her hands about, ‘but that gave me my next turn. Never have I ever met Kira.’ Sarah and Felix drank, then Felix staggered off to the bathroom.

‘If I don’t piss right now I’m going to explode.’

‘Thanks for that charming image,’ Sarah yelled back, and Cosima chuckled, but felt something catch in her throat. Pretty soon she was coughing and wheezing, a handkerchief pressed over her face to conceal the worst of the mixture of blood and phlegm that burned like acid and tasted like being punched in the face by a roll of quarters. Sarah was at her side in an instant, trying desperately to help her, but Cosima feebly waved her free hand.

‘It’s fine,’ she managed to gasp out between deep wracking breaths, ‘it’ll passs.’

‘If this is fine I’d hate to see poorly,’ Felix said, emerging from the bathroom.

‘Should we call Delphine?’ asked Sarah, clearly freaked out by the dramatic scene playing out in front of her, ‘or Leekie or someone? Do you need medicine?’

‘No,’ Cosima said, as forcefully as she could muster. ‘I’m fine, really.’ Already her breathing was slowing and her heart rate was returning to normal. She tucked the hanky inside her sleeve to conceal how far things had really gone, then glanced around for something, anything that might distract the other two and get them to treat her like a normal person again. Her eyes ended up resting on something poking out of the corner of a plastic bag by the side of the TV.  
‘Who's is that?’ she asked.

‘Oh, I picked it up at the store for Kira. Why?’ Sarah answered, following her gaze.

‘Never have I ever seen A Bug’s Life.’

……..

‘… And all the ants were male, despite the fact that it was clearly implied that it was an American colony, and so should have been a matriarchal hierarchy comprising sterile female workers!’ Cosima finished, knocking over a, thankfully empty, coffee mug with a stray overly enthusiastic gesture. ‘Tne whole thing was ridiculous.’  
Delphine struggled to keep a straight face, to hide both how funny she found her fellow scientists righteous indignation at a children’s film and how pleased she was to see Cosima halfway back to her normal self. ‘We will have to find some more accurate films for Kira,’ she said, sitting next to her on the lab’s tiny couch, and snuggling in close. ‘But first, I do think that two days is a very long time to be away.’


End file.
